masa, sementara masih ada dengan mereka.
July 21, 2011 § 0
aku tak kisah kalau masa hidupku banyak dihabiskan dengan keluarga, kembara lah kau sejauh mana mungkin. tetapi sampai detik itu kau sedar sebanyak mana kau mengenali ibu bapa mu. sebanyak mana kau berbakti untuk mereka. sebanyak mana kau derhakakan mereka. sebanyak mana lagi masa yang tinggal untuk kau menatap kedua wajah orang tua itu.
ya, aku orang yang mindanya kampung. aku dikatakan kampung kerana masih mementingkan orang tua berdua itu yang membesarkan aku dengan penuh kasih dan cinta dari kecil. aku fikir aku tak salah kerana mahu berada di samping mereka. walau tiada sebarang ucapan yang dikongsi bersama, namun aku tahu mereka senang apabila aku ada.
umur mereka bukannya muda.
dua puluh tahun, hidup. entah besar galaksi mana dosa aku dengan mereka berdua.
entah separah mana hati seorang ibu terguris dengan perbuatan anaknya.
entah seremuk mana hati seorang bapa kecewa dengan kelakuan anaknya.
aku adalah anak contoh untuk kategori "terhebat melawan arus".
anak yang pantang ditegur, ada sahaja mahu melawan. idea syaitan, biasalah.
tidaklah melawan dengan kekerasan, aku bukan peninju tomoi.
barangkali aku suka menyampaikan apa yang aku rasa dalam hati supaya orang tahu, aku tak suka itu, dan aku suka ini. (lebih kurang, macam tu)
aku nak orang tahu aku berdiri untuk apa.
untuk usia muda (atau orang kedah kata "mangkaq" ) ini, aku rasa aku sudah sangat dewasa. aku sahaja yang fikir begitu. mungkin orang lain ketawa mendengarnya.
biarlah kau nak buat apa pun. sesungguhnya aku bukan tak kisah, tapi aku ajar diri aku supaya tak kisah.
jangan tutup telinga bila orang kata. dengar, tutup mata, dan rasa.
belajar jadi kuat dari kesakitan.
biar, terima semuanya. Tuhan memang suka uji kita.
orang kata apa?mereka kata apa?
aku dengar, dan aku boleh senyum kepada mereka.
bukan sebab aku gila. kau fikirlah kenapa.
mak, abah, abang, dan aku.
ini keluarga aku.
kemudian ditambah lagi dengan tokwan, tok, kakak ipar, anak menakan, pak menakan, mak menakan, sepupu dan semua pupu yang ada.
tak boleh tahan senyum.
by Yon Yusuff
entah. tiba-tiba.
The Tales of a Half Prince.
July 20, 2011 § 0
In the most desolate of places
And this strange world
Will know who you are
By the light of your soul
By the darkness of your shadow
Yes you will find beauty
And you will be unprepared for it
But why am I afraid?
I can deliberately sense my own fear, unsure of the nothingness.
It's hopeless. This is hopeless.
by Yon Yusuff.
1:57am.
Drabbles ; LDK UiTM
Tip toe to your room- Sing For Absolution lyric.
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew
MP3...check.
The BlueBook...check.
Black Pilot pen...check.
OK. ready.
I'm right now in UiTM Kedah's Dewan Perdana, attending my LDK for this semester. Painfully compulsory for each students, the LDK is traditionally boring and i need those stuffs up there to keep my sanity during the 6 hours torture period.
.....
As I was writing this line, the slide with "Terima Kasih" on it is displayed on the big screen. Oh you're a lifesaver.
I'll go have free breakfast before I could faint because of hunger and boredom inside this hall.
Yum. Yum. Burp.
2nd session.
11:46am.
Still in the hall.
Lost count of the slides they're on right now.
Di sebuah kawasan kediaman elit Jepun...
Ada sebuah kedai makanan manis...
- i saw that line from the comic book that the girl in front was reading. technically i was reading with her. hahaha. creepy much?
I slept for 2/3 of this session. Hardly listened to anything. (Blame my MP3 and sleep hormones)
Yawned every 5 minutes (or when I abruptly awake from my slumber and sleeping again after that). Even burped in my sleep. It's the nasi lemak's fault.
ZzzZzzZz...
Woke up to the song ; Denting.
Suddenly can't sleep anymore. My body wants to, but heart and soul chose not to. Because I understand myself ;
It's time to reminisce.
And so I close my eyes and smile bitterly. (Well..at least I smiled).
So...
When everything's ALMOST over, i actually paid attention to the last few slides, because I'm not that sleepy anymore. Hehe.
4.40pm.
Went home.
by Yon Yusuff.
i went to LDK.
yeeeha~
when it rains ; i wish i'm there for you.
July 03, 2011 § 0
When it rains, don’t be scared
Welcome it with a smile.
Raise your head and face the sky,
Use the rain to remember me by.
Welcome the rain and feel me in it
The droplets are my kisses.
Let my kisses touch your skin
And wash away your sadness.
The lightning is my smile
The most beautiful one that I’ve ever flashed to you
The thunder is my voice
Hear me call your name and say I love you too.
When it rains, darling, don’t be scared
Welcome it with a smile.
Love the rain and feel me in it
When it pours, know that I’m watching you from
-------------------------------------------------------
It was raining. Lightly, I think.
But there was something different about the cold that sent a chilling shiver down my spine, piercing through every cell in my body and right into my very soul; something about it that accentuated the vulnerability I feel inside.
It was that familiar pulsing sensation of cracking deep inside. Yet, I did not break, but I know eventually, I will, somehow or the other.
when you're gone ; it still hurts.
“Have you ever heard of the saying: absence makes the heart grow fonder?”
“Yes. But clearly you haven’t heard the other version: absence makes the heart find another.”
as for me, i could relate to the former. because i grew even more attached to that person day by day. i didnt try to forget, because i dont remember much anyway. bits of memories, sweet enough to enlighten my life. memories fade throughout time, so i tried to prolong it by reminiscing our story everyday, replaying those scenes. the only thing i could remember is your scent. and when you smile,i cant help but to smile with you.
nothing makes you unique from others. probably you're just another being who happened to be in my life. and i want to keep you in my mind as a person who showed me how to let go of something we love. and p/s, i dont know if you still do.. but i love you. yes i'm still in love with you.
yes, this idiot still does.
the things,words,actions ; i wished i'd done it sooner.
I DID NOTHING.
I FAILED HER.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, I FAILED MYSELF AS A COMPANION.
When she had Anorexia, I ..
did nothing.
And you cant imagine how much I despised myself all these times thinking that it might turns out to be different if I actually said something.
My suspections is enough. I knew her that well.
Any idiot would know she had issues with just a single glance.
I teared up whenever her image runs into my mind. I still remembered her beautiful smile, and how I never failed to notice her blush when I teased her with my fail jokes. Oh how I missed that girl.
But she rarely smile now. Even if she did, it was obviously a fake one.
I'm tired.
Tired of pretending that I'm oblivious of her condition.
Praying that one day, she will return by my side as the girl I knew from before.
